is in gay Pahwee...

and is utterly, utterly terrified.

I left Lyon this afternoon (after finally making some friends in my class yesterday), got on a train, and here I am. I found a short term apartment to rent until the end of the month while I find something more long term. Which apparently will be hard.

The girl that I'm subletting this apartment from met me at the train station and brought me back here and showed me the ropes, which was very kind of her. And then she left.

And now I am feeling very, very alone.

I've never lived on my own before. I used to think I'd like it. Maybe I would like it, but right now I can't think straight and the cavewoman inside of me wants to sleep with one eye open in case someone comes through the door in the night.

I feel better on the street because there are people around, and if something feels wrong, I can turn around and walk in the other direction. Logically, there's nothing wrong here. Logically I'm safer inside. I'm safe here in a (relatively) clean, secure apartment with a locked door. On the other hand, I'm in a city of 2 million people and I know virtually no-one. Who would notice if the bogeyman gobbled me up in the middle of the night?

I'm counting down the hours until 1pm tomorrow, when I have an interview for a share house with a lady who sounds really nice. I really hope she is nice, and I get it and I can move in straight away, because it's been about 2 hours, and I'm already sick of feeling so completely isolated from the world. Stuff the 300 euros I just paid for this place for 2 more weeks. I'm getting a glimpse of how tiny and unimportant I really am in the grand scheme of the universe, and I don't like it even one little bit.

I'm counting down the days until Nhan arrives to visit, when I can finally, FINALLY have a hug from someone who knows me.

I had better be brimming with character when all of this is over.